Well believe it or not i just watched all the house capt and presidential campaign videos 
and heres what i noticed

This MR house capt nominee was being filmed and there was this construction worker in the background talking on the phone REALLY loudly and at the end of the video he was pulling up his socks and it was ALL CAUGHT ON CAMERA ahaha srsly quite funny i dunno why sharon never notice

and i also noticed that a lot of the candidates couldnt answer the question "how have you contributed to the house in RJ so far"
its amazing how they swiftly launch into rhetoric about how they have enthusiasm in everything they do - completely evading the question
because the fact is that some of them have not done much at all really (sadly :( )

strange gimmicks like putting on accent (haha i suggested that to violet) repeated calling yourself handsome, having strange out-of-the-blue actions in your fluent speech, listing out your past leadership profiles, getting your little siblings to tell people to vote for you (sure adds to the credibility factor) and singing and dressing up like susan boyle (haha koo's sister) and ending the speech with "auspicium melioris aevi" (hahaha isaac chay)

and one girl even held the camera with her two hands the entire time - she really must have pretty strong arm muscles

well but the thing that stood out most for me were 2 words

"I believe"

Almost every single candidate used it
I believe that I can lead the house to greater heights
I believe that we are one batch and we can do this together
I believe that I am the person for the job
I believe I am handsome (hahaha this MT guy was quite funny)

And believe it nor - it kinda jerked me up from my bout of emo-ness that I have been feeling the past week especially (started from quite long already though)
It was very heartening to hear these kids (Haha yes i feel old) talking about how they cared about the house
and house is the place you make friends, house is the place where you can have fun
And though they may just very well be paying lipservice - it was a great reminder
because looking back
House really is the place you can have fun, house really is the place where you made your first friendships not only in RJ but also back there in RG, House is a common identity - that no matter how meaningless it may get - its something you'll always remember
Reminded me of what Mrs Deborah Tan told us - you meet an RGS girl (okay in this case RJ ) there are 3 things you'll ask
Her CCA, the name of her principal, and her house
I remember guest speakers always coming back to RG during founders day and other events - and when they introduced themselves to be old girls - they would always mention their house and 1/5 of the school (the sec ones at least)  would burst into applause
I mean it is possible that the old girl probably wasn't all that enthusiastic about the house back in her days as a student - but looking back - it will always be something that was part of her identity

So yeah, get on with life grace
what's there to be disillusioned about huh
Its like council camp - some stuff is thrown at you and they dont make sense
circumstances are tough
swine flu and orange alert is tough
but pick yourself up and do those push-ups well -
take the monetarist approach - drive around the tree if you cant lift it up by yourself

There was purpose in whatever you did
People did have fun, People did make friends
There was some semblance of meaning
so dont go beating yourself up
You tried your best - and even if it wasn't enough, you tried
Life is tough, but you're tougher and GOD is even tougher 

I'm glad i went to watch those videos

I was doing a qianwei and surfing facebook on sunday night
got to a picture with 6 girls dressed in the exact same manner, exact same hair style, exactly the same girly sweet smile and though admittedly they all looked good - it disturbed me rather greatly
reminded me of a poem from poems deep and dangerous  - the very first poem that ms chia went through with us

(shinyi has already pasted it on her blog, but i guess id like to do so to)

The Man in the Bowler Hat

I am the unnoticed, the unnoticable man: 
The man who sat on your right in the morning train:
The man who looked through like a windowpane:
The man who was the colour of the carriage, the colour of the mounting
Morning pipe smoke. 
I am the man too busy with a living to live,
Too hurried and worried to see and smell and touch:
The man who is patient too long and obeys too much
And wishes too softly and seldom. 

I am the man they call the nation's backbone,
Who am boneless - playable catsgut, pliable clay:
The Man they label Little lest one day
I dare to grow. 

I am the rails on which the moment passes,
The megaphone for many words and voices:
I am the graph diagram,
Composite face. 

I am the led, the easily-fed,
The tool, the not-quite-fool,
The would-be-safe-and-sound,
The uncomplaining, bound,
The dust fine-ground,
Stone-for-a-statue waveworn pebble-round

A S J Tessimond

its funny how its so easy to conform to the same standards, the same style of dressing, the same way of posing in front of a camera
raised the topic in the canteen one day  (yes 1a frequently engages in meaningful discussions about life) 
and i guess it is true that there's technically nothing wrong with that. 

But I guess, its scary how insignificant a person can be in the world
a depressing thought, but truth is you're just 1 person out of the billions and milions and trillions in the world
that day during welfare duty wang ye asked me "what would happen if half the world got wiped out because of swine flu"

and it hit me that life would just continue and regenerate - i mean thats the beauty of life, that it will overcome all odds and survive but its just sad that if you were part of that half that got wiped out  - no one really needed you in the first place anyway

And i suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of sadness during GP that day - it suddenly hit me how screwed Africa was. I personally think that they will never be able to lift themselves out of poverty - not alone at least. They are in dire need of help
and yet no one's helping them and the help thats supposedly going to them, is not even helping them

Dont you feel so helpless sometimes -  theres a problem and all you can do about it is answer AQs about how G8 leaders can help these African nations - i mean we all have the textbook answers, but how many of us actually has the capacity and ability to truly help them. "You just need to earn lotsa money and you can help them next time" But what are the chances that I will be making millions? Nearly zilch. The people who should be helping them, who can help them, simply cant be bothered because it really is just too complicated, too tiring, too hard.

Doesnt that make you feel so useless?
And the fact is that you spend 2 or 3 days moping around about how Africa is in such a bad state you cant help - and a week later life is back to normal and worry free again. 

I really shouldnt be sounding so depressed
but im tired and just really worn out

the strange thing is that technically I'm not doing anything much for council anymore
given all the cancellation and postponement due to swineflu
yet theres this big burden on my bag which still weighs me down
ive been feeling like that for far too long

and its scary, how fast relationships can break down
even when you believed that it could stand the test of time
i guess sometimes, some things arent just meant to be
some people arent meant to be together
After you're just one person out of the many more people that we are all going to meet in the future

after all my lofty ideals and ambitions and excitment at the prospect of change and influence
i am done. finished. 
(and im feeling very small right now)